What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 09:44
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
So whats the point in blame.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
All the time i was locked up.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
How could Trump, with his deplorable garbage supporters, manage to win an election?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
What are some examples of unofficial acts by presidents?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why am I so unproductive when it's a holiday the next day?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
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Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why have Indian girls almost stopped wearing sarees?
But ive been too sick for many years..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My family never makes their pension either.
Is the Donald Trump Bible any different from a regular Bible? Has Trump altered its contents?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And i lived it daily.
I will be 64.
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Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Would this be the day?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
This is soul school!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She found it foreign!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I don,t even have a pension.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Who then, do I blame.?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I could never make a relationship work though!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was scared of men, in general
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She was in good health!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But, we were locked up after school.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She married twice! .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So, i spoilt her more .
She loved him until the end.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was very sick at this time too.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I said to her
She wouldn,t have been !
I was 9 years of age.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It was going to be , some day.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
What did i know ?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Why did i forgive my father ?
I waited trembling.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was seconnd youngest,
Im still living with it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Comes on , in middle age.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One cannot live in the past .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We all went to grammer schools
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He knew the spot.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We were not on the streets..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I write beautiful poetry .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Ive learnt so much.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I think the readers, may guess!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But it wasn’t much.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I have no regrets .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Put me off passion for life!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My life is so biszare .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
When she asked me how she looked .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.